Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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