Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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