i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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