you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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