So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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