The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
