i was born a porn star she said
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
