very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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