I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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