You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
