you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
