After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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