your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
