i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
