I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
