Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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