Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
