Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
