Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
