I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
