oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
