I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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