Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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