yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
