And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
