I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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