Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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