Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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