Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
