have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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