I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
