perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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