Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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