Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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