i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
