It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
