It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
