Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
