woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
