I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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