How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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