I cannot find my penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
