it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
