I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
