she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
