I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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