i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
