Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
