I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
