Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
