just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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