i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
