i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
