i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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