She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
