I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
