Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
