similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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