You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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